beautiful

i'm sorry my posts have been either lacking or really deep lately. i have been really busy w/ photo shoots and attending events and all sorts of other things.

i've also been really busy thinking. thinking about myself and my life and my family and where i am compared to where i want to be.

i'm not there yet, but i am moving forward. which is big.

i have not felt so blessed & so happy in a long time. God is doing so much in me and helping me to become something beautiful. i'm letting go of so many things that were holding me back and opening up a new chapter in my life. God told us that 2010 would be a year of big changes for us, and so far it has- the 2 major things being moving and leaving our church. sometimes what God asks us to do doesn't make any sense, but we do it anyways because we love Him & want to be obedient to His voice. where He is taking us and what He is doing in us is still a mystery, but i am excited. there is nothing like walking into the plans God has for you with nothing holding you back.

i listened to this song and just cried. i feel like this is where i am right now, and this is what God is doing in me, and i am thankful. listen to this song and be encouraged in your own journey of becoming something beautiful.

BANG BANG... on the drums, baby!

yesterday i was working on the computer, when i looked up and saw nolan sitting in front of an unopened box, holding two pipes, and drumming. i couldn't believe that he just did it on his own! of course i had to run and get the camera, and as soon as i turned it on he decides to ham it up and smile for the camera ;) but there's a couple seconds of proof that he was drumming! i know i am partial, but he sure is one cute kid!

happy day

oh happy day

happy day

You washed my sin away

oh happy day

happy day

i'll never be the same

the world is watching

as silly as it sounds, this clip hit me deep to my core. i mean, really deep. it made me question my parenting, my reactions, and started a great, deep conversation between my husband and i. the question i asked myself: what would my reaction have been if sean had thrown that ball?

i was quite embarrassed with the reality of my answer. i'm pretty sure i would have said, in an irritated tone, "SEAN! why did you do that?" while giving him one of those mommy looks. i'm pretty sure my first reaction would not be to laugh and hug him. and after my hypothetical first reaction was over, i would have been mortified to see that it was caught on camera, and millions of people saw it.

now, i know i'm not the only parent who would react like that. but i don't want to be that parent, and this video made me realize that. so often i worry and make a big deal about things that really aren't a big deal. i'm sure i get onto sean all too often about things that, in the whole scheme of life, lack importance.

daily i pray for wisdom in raising my children. daily dathan and i seek the Lord in how to discipline, how to teach life lessons, and how to love. parenting is hard work, and takes lots of thought and prayer. i want the Holy Spirit's response to be my first reaction to things my children do, not my flesh.

so today, i will consciously make a choice to love my children like this dad loves his daughter. i will not walk in my flesh, but i will walk in the Spirit and react in the Spirit. and when today is over, i will get up tomorrow and make this choice all over again... whether the world is watching or not.

joy

children have such joy to them. they run around, free from responsibilities and stresses. their biggest concerns are going down for a nap or whether they want a red or blue crayon... and it shows. more often than not you will see a child dancing freely in the midst of a crowd (such as mine in the above video), smiling at a complete stranger, or singing to themselves in the middle of the outfield during a t-ball game (that would've been me as a child).

so, as we get older, why do so many of us lose that joy? is it the daily stresses of life that just get to us & we cannot handle it? has too much happened to us while growing up that there is no room for joy? is stress or bitterness or depression or anger the absence of joy?

God wants us to have child-like faith. so many people take that as believe like a child that God will do what He said He will, which it is. but also i believe having child-like faith is getting back to that point of freedom from worries & stresses so we can truly walk in the joy & fullness God has for us.

now, praying for child-like faith is not going to make our scars from the past or mortgage disappear. but, having child-like faith is knowing that God has all of that in His hands. we give ourselves wholly to Him- our hurts, our pain, our fears, our doubts- and not worry about it afterward. children are dependent upon their parents (or caregivers) to feed them, clothe them, give them a roof over their head, etc. they (for the most part) know that their parents are going to take care of them, so they don't need to worry about how dinner is going to get on the table tonight.

that's how God wants us to be in Him. we need to become so dependent on Him that there isn't a worry in our hearts that "dinner won't get on the table" tonight. and with that freedom comes joy, and that joy is our strength (neh. 8:10).