He's not keeping score

It can be so easy to think that God is just sitting up in heaven, waiting for us to mess up.

That, or sitting up there with a notepad, writing down every single thing we do wrong.

I mean, we're human, and we mess up a lot, so why wouldn't God do that?

I think as a perfectionist I have always struggled with this very thing.

I am hyper-aware of my imperfections and so I just always assume that God is right there staring at them with a magnifying glass just like I am.

Good thing I'm not God.

And good thing His Word tells me otherwise.

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever.

He does not punish us for all our sins, He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.

For His unfailing love toward those who fear Him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west."

Psalm 103: 8-12

Ahhh, isn't the Word of God so refreshing?

I love that I can take the truth from my Bible and shove it in the enemy's face.

When he starts to tell me that God is up there keeping track of all of my shortcomings, 

I can just remind him "He will not constantly accuse us..."

There's power in the Truth.

And that power is what helps us walk in freedom!

after the storm

we have had some terrible storms both last saturday and yesterday (saturday). in fact, yesterday we were at the y and they made us go into the locker rooms for 15 minutes because supposedly a tornado was spotted. that was fun.

as a california girl i am not used to tornado warnings and sirens and thunder and lightning. yes, i have lived here for over 3 years but that does not mean that i am used to stuff like this yet. i remember the first time tornado sirens went off at our house in sheffield. i was home by myself with sean and had NO idea what to do. the house had no basement, so i had no where to go. we didn't have cable, internet, or a weather radio, so i didn't have a clue as to what was happening. i felt so isolated & i remember my heart racing for fear of the unknown. i called dathan crying (yes, i was crying) and he told me what to do and offered to come home. he wanted to make sure i not only felt safe, but actually was safe.

how many times in life are we in a storm? not a literal storm, but a physical, spiritual, or emotional storm? isn't it the same thing? we feel as if things are crumbling around us and we have no clue what's going on? and that we can be so bombarded by our turmoil inside or around us that we feel isolated from the world? we become full of fear & anxiety, loneliness & hurt. it seems like the 'storm' will never end.

i know we have all been there. and really when we are in a storm, we are left with two ultimate options. the first would be to panic, lose all sight of wisdom, & break down. the second would be to trust in the One who created us to guide us in what we are supposed to do and make sure that we not only are safe but feel safe.

because you see, the thing about storms is that they do, eventually, end. some are longer than others. some cause more damage than others. but not a single storm has ever lasted forever. not one in history. even when God flooded the earth it only rained for 40 days. and what did noah and his family see after the worst storm in history? a rainbow. a sign of life, hope, and a promise from God that they will be taken care of and safe. God turned the storm that caused so much destruction into a portrait of beauty and hope.

last saturday, when the storm ended, we walked outside to a newly awakened beauty that was hidden before the storm... new life. now the trees & flowers have already blossomed here and everything was green... but... after this storm there was a vibrancy in the green that wasn't there before. it was breathtaking. you couldn't help but notice how bright and beautiful the green was.

green most commonly represents new life. during the storms God is preparing our hearts to make them new. i don't want to ever be a stagnant Christian. i don't want my relationship with Christ to stay the same... i want to grow & change & become better. in doing that, i am a new person. but it's not just the easy situations and blessings in life that turn us into the new person we so long to be. the storms play such a pivotal role in that.

God wants us to have our roots firmly planted in Him. in doing that, we have built a firm foundation to weather any storm that comes our way. we can stand strong through the winds and the rain, holding onto the Hope that we are not only taken care of but becoming new.

our hearts can be vibrant from the new life inside. people can look at us and see something different, something beautiful.

if you are going through a storm in your life right now just remember- the storm does end and the sun does come back out. you are not forgotten or alone, but the God of the universe who can calm the sea and reign a raging wind is reaching out to you. just grab His hand, accept His help, and allow Him to be what you need Him to. when the storm is over and the clouds have parted you will see that the sun is out again, the skies are blue, and you are vibrant with new life.

be blessed!
~ES

100th post & the end of another year

wow! how special is it that this is my 100th post? that's exciting! i had big plans for my 100th post... first i was going to do a Christmas post and finish up all of our Christmas festivities. then i thought maybe i would push that to a later date and do a 2009 year in review, since it is new years eve and all. but, i haven't had the time to write one of those, so that didn't happen.

so i sit here, wondering what to write? i want to share my heart, open up a bit. but i'm not sure. should i open up on a public blog, for all the world to read? i mean, i know that the Lord has given me things to share and that i haven't even tapped into all the things that He wants me to do, but is this one of them? and then there's always the question of whether or not anyone even reads my blog. do i share my heart if nobody reads?

here i am, at 2:00am, contemplating my life in the form of the blogging world. i cannot believe that 2009 is about to be over. lets just be honest... i'm so ready for a new year! 2009 was not the easiest year for us, and we have been tested in our faith countless times these past twelve months. i'm ready for God to bring something new and something great in with 2010. i know that in the scheme of things, january 1st is just another day that follows a yesterday, like every day we live. but something about the new year just fills me with hope.

i'm not one to make new years resolutions. lets just be honest- how many people do you know that actually keep their new years resolutions? i just know there are things in me that i need to change, and i'm ready to change them. i'm sick of being where i am and am more than ready to move on and become better. there are places in the physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental areas of my life that i know i am lacking, and want to fix. not to mention the state of my home, which i feel is never clean enough and that we cannot ever keep up with it.

but then i start to think- how dare i sit and point out every negative thing about myself? i don't ever want to put my Daddy down for how He made me, because i was made in His image. but i do want to better myself. i don't want to ever become complacent with where i am, but to push myself to become closer to God and grow more in that process.

because lets just be honest... when we grow in the Lord and our hearts become intertwined with His, the areas in our lives that we are lacking suddenly become better. because when we know who we are in Christ and have the confidence of being the person He made us to be, we are excited to change and just BE better.

"and all of us have had that veil removed so we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. and as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more & more like Him and reflect His glory even more." 2 corinthians 3:18

so, my blogging goal for 2010 is this: to be a mirror that brightly reflects the glory of the Lord, to you, my readers. whether you are family, friends, or strangers, i want my life to be a reflection of who God is to you. through looking at pictures or reading my heart, and i want you to leave my page feeling encouraged, uplifted, and/or challenged. i want to bless you.

happy new year, bloggers!

ps for those of you who don't know, we have been battling sickness in our house for the last few weeks. from double ear infections (twice!) in nolan to bronchialitis in both boys to nolan testing positive for rsv... well lets just say it has been exhausting. i want to thank those of you who have been praying for us and encourage you that i would say our home is at 85%, which i will take! thank you Lord for still healing!

the world is watching

as silly as it sounds, this clip hit me deep to my core. i mean, really deep. it made me question my parenting, my reactions, and started a great, deep conversation between my husband and i. the question i asked myself: what would my reaction have been if sean had thrown that ball?

i was quite embarrassed with the reality of my answer. i'm pretty sure i would have said, in an irritated tone, "SEAN! why did you do that?" while giving him one of those mommy looks. i'm pretty sure my first reaction would not be to laugh and hug him. and after my hypothetical first reaction was over, i would have been mortified to see that it was caught on camera, and millions of people saw it.

now, i know i'm not the only parent who would react like that. but i don't want to be that parent, and this video made me realize that. so often i worry and make a big deal about things that really aren't a big deal. i'm sure i get onto sean all too often about things that, in the whole scheme of life, lack importance.

daily i pray for wisdom in raising my children. daily dathan and i seek the Lord in how to discipline, how to teach life lessons, and how to love. parenting is hard work, and takes lots of thought and prayer. i want the Holy Spirit's response to be my first reaction to things my children do, not my flesh.

so today, i will consciously make a choice to love my children like this dad loves his daughter. i will not walk in my flesh, but i will walk in the Spirit and react in the Spirit. and when today is over, i will get up tomorrow and make this choice all over again... whether the world is watching or not.

joy

children have such joy to them. they run around, free from responsibilities and stresses. their biggest concerns are going down for a nap or whether they want a red or blue crayon... and it shows. more often than not you will see a child dancing freely in the midst of a crowd (such as mine in the above video), smiling at a complete stranger, or singing to themselves in the middle of the outfield during a t-ball game (that would've been me as a child).

so, as we get older, why do so many of us lose that joy? is it the daily stresses of life that just get to us & we cannot handle it? has too much happened to us while growing up that there is no room for joy? is stress or bitterness or depression or anger the absence of joy?

God wants us to have child-like faith. so many people take that as believe like a child that God will do what He said He will, which it is. but also i believe having child-like faith is getting back to that point of freedom from worries & stresses so we can truly walk in the joy & fullness God has for us.

now, praying for child-like faith is not going to make our scars from the past or mortgage disappear. but, having child-like faith is knowing that God has all of that in His hands. we give ourselves wholly to Him- our hurts, our pain, our fears, our doubts- and not worry about it afterward. children are dependent upon their parents (or caregivers) to feed them, clothe them, give them a roof over their head, etc. they (for the most part) know that their parents are going to take care of them, so they don't need to worry about how dinner is going to get on the table tonight.

that's how God wants us to be in Him. we need to become so dependent on Him that there isn't a worry in our hearts that "dinner won't get on the table" tonight. and with that freedom comes joy, and that joy is our strength (neh. 8:10).