Thursday, March 25, 2010

not the same

"there's nothing like returning to a place that's unchanged to find the ways on which you yourself have altered"

my friend posted that as her status on facebook last night and i could not think of a better way to describe our trip to illinois, at least for me. you see, when i was 18 years old i went to master's commission in rockford, illinois. master's commission is basically a ministry training school, but more on that another time. i spent from the fall of 2001 to the winter of 2003 there, and although it was only a little over 2 years, so many things that changed the course of my life happened. some are deep and personal, not yet ready to be revealed to the blog world. others are pretty obvious, such as meeting dathan, who i later went on to marry :)

the trip was a last minute, spontaneous decision to hang out with friends and meet with different people. it has been over 3 years since the last time we had visited there, over 6.5 years since we left master's commission. that is just nuts to me! in that time i have: moved from illinois to southern california, got married, moved to central california, got pregnant, moved back to southern california, had a baby, moved to alabama & had another baby (and those are just the "major" changes)!

so here we were, staying at my old home-opener's house (home-openers are people in the church who allow master's commission students to live in their home & be part of their family. i lived with mine for my entire 2nd year and part of my 3rd) which looked almost exactly the same as it did when i lived there 6.5 years ago. but, as i looked at myself, i realized i look nothing (on the inside and out!) like i did when that was the place that i would lay my head on my pillow every night. situations i have walked through, choices i have made, prayers i have prayed, and life itself have all played a role in making me... me. but the majority of those changes happened slowly over the years, almost to the point where i haven't really noticed them. but to be able to physically sit and have memories & feelings from over 6 years ago flood my mind again really showed me that i have changed. and i am thankful for that! God never stopped working in me, i never stopped self-evaluating and adjusting areas in my life that were lacking. though i am no where near where i would love to be, it was encouraging to see that i have made progress :)

i am the girl in the green shirt ;) this is what i looked like when i lived with my homeopeners (and to wear that size of jeans again would be fabulous!). one of my responsibilities in mc was running the coffee cart, and these were my fellow coffee cart family members ;) we were able to take a trip to chicago to learn how to make better lattes and then we got to eat at gino's east. so fun!

i do have pictures of our actual trip that i want to share. but i have been sorting out so many thoughts from being back in that place that i wanted to share it with you first. i don't know if anyone really is even interested in my deep thoughts since i usually stick to lots of photos and updates on our family, but every once in awhile i do want to allow all my blog readers to see a bit deeper into me.

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